Friday, August 11, 2006

if we were all three-toed sloths ...

We'd probably have a base-6 number system. That being the case, I would have celebrated today at the age of 18. Instead, being humans and all, today is my 30th birthday and the beginning of my third decade on Earth.

And I rang it in watching the finale of "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" and watching my brother horribly attempt to perform the Running Man, which was much funnier than Deuce Bigalow.

So, here it is - 30. I feel significantly less introspective than I would have imagined. I attribute it to the fact that I have always been the youngest person in my department at work. Therefore, I'm surrounded by people already in their 30s and I end up feeling as though that's where I am already. I certainly don't feel like I'm a part of the "where am I going? What am I doing?" crowd of mid-20 somethings who live with their parents these days.

As for where I've come from, ten years ago today I was about to leave for England for college. I was single. I lived with my parents. I had a new car. I looked pretty different; 40 pounds thinner, I hadn't started to shave my head yet, etc.

Now, here I am 10 years later. I support myself and am now 4 years outside of grad school. I'm engaged to a wonderful woman and will be getting married in January. My car that was so shiny and new 10 years ago may have just breathed its last breath as it's in the shop right now and looks like it will cost more to fix than it's worth.

But the biggest change, and by far the most important change, is that I'm happy. My teen years were rough and as I turned 20, I was thrilled to kick them to the cosmic curb and trudge off into my 20s. Turns out, my 20s were pretty rough too. I found myself an outsider in a foreign country for a few years. I then did the whole "starving artist" thing in LA for a few years, still very much feeling like a foreigner in a foreign country. But then, Amanda and San Francisco and LucasArts all came into my life. Slowly but surely over the last three plus years, everything feels as though it's been falling into place. I've made a home for myself, a name for myself, a career for myself, and a life for myself with a wonderful woman.

So, it feels good. 30 feels good. And not good like I felt at 20 when I was simply happy to be done with my teens. No, 30 feels like I'm happy and optimistic because things are settling down, going smoothly, and just generally good - as opposed to just the promise of potentially being good. It's a nice calm feeling, something akin to sitting outside in the summer dusk and watching fireflies linger in the air. That's how I feel today - calm and slow. S'pose that means I'm mellowing in my old age.

Meh. Whatever. I'm happy and I'm going to go eat a piece of cake.

1 comment:

EmoRiot said...

Happy Birthday!! (now I run for the aiport)