Sunday was Manda's birthday and the grand plan for the day was a little rhyme: Vasoni, bologna, and spumoni. Vasoni was for Vasona State Park where we were going to have a picnic lunch (thus the bologna). Spumoni is a kind of ice cream served at one of her favorite restaurants where I took her out to dinner. It was a nice day and included some kite flying, even though I couldn't figure out how to make that rhyme and end with -oni.
While we were at the park, we set up our picnic blanket in a nice shady area that happened to be near a large family (about 20 people) who were having a big family picnic. It didn't take long before the 10 or so kids decided to start playing catch with a Nerf football right next to us. Not exactly the romantic and relaxing picnic I'd had in mind.
However! It did give Amanda and I the chance to relive a little bit of what it was like to be 10 years old.
Let's just say this: kids are awesome because they don't know how to express themselves for shit.
So, just in case you need to know, here's a crash course in how to insult someone if you find that you're suddenly 10 years old again.
1. Shame 'em with Math
Yep, that's right. When the shit hits the fan, add. Or rather, tell your rival that they're so dumb that they don't even know what one plus one is. This is apparently a big insult in the kid world. If they happen to counter with the inevitable "Yuh-huh! It's 2!," then go for "oh yeah? Then what's 10 plus 10?" If all else fails, the big finisher is always "I bet you don't know 10 times 10."
If your math battle goes nowhere, you have no recourse but to start rhyming. Rhyming anything at your rivals is sure to make them feel like retards. If you want, start off with this one that we heard - repeatedly - yesterday "Weaky, weaky, lemon squeaky!" This was apparently very insulting to the other kid to whom it was directed because he got very angry and yelled "You're weak!" Unfortunately it was too late ... For you see, the benefit of a good rhyme is that it's bound to be instantly taken up and chanted by any other kids in the area. The other kid's protests that his attacker was, in fact, the weak one were unfortunately drowned out by the massive shout chorus of "lemon squeaky!!" that was coming from the rest of the kids.
So, there you go. 1. Math. 2. Rhymes. The key to winning any battle with a ten year old. Keep that in mind should you ever run up against a Zoltar machine.