Thursday, July 28, 2005

it's official; i hate everyone i don't know

Well, it's happened again.

For those who don't know, I have been plagued for years by random acts of assholitry from strangers when I try and do something nice. Here's a brief recap of some of the bigger moments:

1. I congratulated a kid on being an honor student after his mom's bumpersticker declared him as such. His mom then proceeded to yell at me in a parking lot about teasing her son and making him feel bad about himself.

2. After telling a homeless guy that I didn't have any spare change, I offered to by him a meal. After handing him the sandwich, drink, and barbecue chips he asked for, he proceeds to flip me off while I drive away.

3. After a skanky prostitute on the streets of Liverpool, England spots me walking home, she asks me if I'm "lookin' for some business, luv?" I say "no." She then notices that I'm walking home with a pizza and decides to say "Well, then at least give me some of your pizza." I say very politely "no, this is dinner and lunch tomorrow for my brother and I" at which point she begins chasing me down the sidewalk yelling at me that I'm a "selfish fat fuck."

Anyway. You get the point. People suck and I seem to be the focal point for some sort of Jungian collective societal rage.

Fast forward to today.

While driving to work today, a car pulls up next to me. It's got two teenage guys in it, both clearly enjoying the fact that they're not in school for the summer. The mongaloid in the passenger seat is grinning at me and waving "hello."

Now, maybe I should have ignored them. But, instead, I figure it's probably pretty safe. Maybe he's got a low IQ and this is how he gets his jollies. Anyway, I wave back.

Wrong move.

The retahd who was waving now decides to start blowing kisses at me. The pair of them start laughing like crazy and then speed off giving me the finger all the way into the sunset (or .. you know ... sunrise or something).

So, here's my new general rule of thumb: If I don't know you, you're an asshole until you prove to me otherwise. I'm tired of being the butt of jokes for total strangers.

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