Tuesday, March 28, 2006


I finally beat Resident Evil IV. I'm sure that nobody in the world cares about this achievement but me. But, it actually is a big achievement. I've played a lot of the Resident Evil games and haven't finished a single one so far.

Usually it's been due to the fact that I've rented them in the past. I don't know why because I can count on one hand the number of games I've rented in my life. But, amongst that count are three different Resident Evil games. I'm not sure what kind of innate fear I've had about buying them, but whatever it was, it's led me to rent Resident Evil titles.

So, in the olden days of pre-"No Late Fees!!" Blockbuster, I usually found that I had to return the game before I had time to beat it. Many of them I've gotten pretty close to finishing, but it always had to go back to Blockbuster before I was done. But, I was so far into them that I couldn't justify renting it again, let alone buying it. So, I never beat them. Resident Evil IV, however, was a Christmas present and I've been playing it off and on over the last few months. As of this weekend, I finally beat it.

And you know what? The ending sucked. Chalk it up with Spider-man for the PS1 for "worst ending in regards to gameplay satisfaction" rating I've ever seen with a game. After all of the hours involved in playing through it, I get one very short little cut scene with stupid Anime-style dialogue that seems completely inhuman and nonsensical.

Let me set the scene since I know no one who reads this will ever play the game:

Your character just spent hours, HOURS and HOURS and HOURS, in the most stressful situation of his life shooting zombies with limited ammo supplies, watching his friends die, plucking alien parasites from within his own body, and running for his life more times than you can count.

In the end, a rival agent working for the world's most evil and amoral chemical company steals a sample of the alien parasite and flies off with the intended goal to turn it into a world-destroying bio-weapon.

So, how do you react to all of this? You literally ride off into the sunset on a jet-ski, just moments after escaping from an exploding island, and chat with the girl hanging onto your waist about some other girl who you're "apparently unable to distance yourself from."

Roll Credits.

WHAT??! What the hell was that? Talking about girls as you ride off into the sunset? What about something more appropriate like "HOLY Fucking shit!! The island just blew up and the whole world is going to turn into zombies!! Not to mention I have a million zombie brain bits in my hair and a fucking stress ulcer you wouldn't believe!!!"

Stupid. Just plain old stupid. Maybe I'll just rent the next one.

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