Tuesday, September 26, 2006

completely unprompted by anything else ...

I thought I'd offer 10 reasons why San Mateo is much better than Santa Monica. This in no way has anything to do with the fact that my brother is trying to figure out which city to live in.

1. According to the crime statistics posted at cityratings.com, even though San Mateo has 10,000 more people than San Mateo, Santa Monica is higher in every category of crime than San Mateo. Santa Monica also has twice the national average of arson incidents.

2. San Mateo has two nearby pro-football teams. Santa Monica has none. : (

3. Santa Monica has its own fault line named after it. San Mateo doesn't.

4. Santa Monica has a hotter average temperature each year than San Mateo. Plus, San Mateo has seasons and trees. Santa Monica has ... parking lots and the beach.

5. San Mateo's Sister City is Ribe, Denmark - the city that gave the world Emil Hansen, father of modern day brewing. Santa Monica's Sister City is Fujinomiya, Japan which gave the world ... fried noodles.

6. According to Wikipedia, 10% of Santa Monica's population lives below the poverty line. In San Mateo, the streets are paved with gold and only 6.8% are below the poverty level.

7. Santa Monica gave the world Muscle Beach. San Mateo gave the world YouTube. One of them has entertained me with hours-worth of live TV news bloopers. The other one spawned Arnold Schwarzenegger. (Can you guess which one is which?)

8. Santa Monica is known as "The Homeless Capital Of The World." San Mateo is known as ... San Mateo.

9. The nearest go-karts to Santa Monica are an hour away down the frustrating 405 freeway. The nearest go-karts to San Mateo are 10 minutes away up the breezy 101. Go-Karts are good.

10. Santa Monica forms the highly disturbing anagram "satanic moan." Meanwhile, San Mateo only forms the much more pleasantly mundane "Mona eats."

So in conclusion, Santa Monica can bite me, San Mateo rules, and I live near go-karts. But, you know ... like I said ... not that any of this should have any real bearing on anything ...

4 comments:

ceymick said...

My two cents:

Re: item 1 - true 'dat. Four years of college in the hood of North Philly, and I didn't have a gun pulled on me 'till a night in Santa Monica.

Re: item 2 - that's really a point for Santa Monica, considering your two teams are the awful 49ers and AWFUL Raiders.

Re: item 4 - that's also really a point for Santa Monica. It may be warmer in Santa Monica, but you get year round wonderful weather, whereas you get lots of crap up San Fran way. Rain, fog, some cold. That's no good for nobody.

Re: item 5 - sister cities?

Re: item 8 - the homeless in Santa Monica are entirely harmless and wonderfully entertaining at times. Free entertainment!

Re: item 9 - go-karts? Dude, your 30 and getting married!

EmoRiot said...

Yeah, but the anagrams really do sway any case for a city!

Ceymick, what anagram did you discover that helped you move to Boston? How about: No Bots. I'd certainly want to live in a city that might withstand the coming robot takeover...

Bug said...

Yes. I'll admit it. I'm thirty years old, I watch cartoons, I collect action figures, and I get my go-kart on from time to time. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

And I'm a big, big fan of seasons after having lived in LA for three years. I get tired of only one level of weather, be it rainy all the time, sunny all the time, or whatever. I need variety. So, to me that's a plus.

phobucket said...

Yeah, but do you really consider "kind-of-cool-with-a-bit-of-sprinkling" and "kind-of-warm-and-sunny" to be seasons? Granted, that's twice as much variation as you'll get in Santa Monica.

a snot ame
a tin can soma (or) a sin tan coma

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