Thursday, August 18, 2005


I'm not kidding. I love it. Not the meat product. The email trash.

Don't get me wrong. Most of the time it's totally useless. But every now and then you get something in your inbox that looks like it's straight out of the head of Gary Busey.

Take this gem for instance. This showed up in my inbox this morning.

Subject: Getting back to you. [I hope to God this is actually in reference to something I wanted; it's awesome]

Who's been saying that anti-nuclear demonstrators should kiss the Sumo wrestlers?
Eskimos laugh it up with misers.
Who work in our models and then some scalar multiple of this work we are maximising a function of two mwg globular clusters to lie on the edge at an accurately-known location.

Comedians rule over the ballroom dancers.

Who will believe Paula Jones now that she's claiming mobile home owners panic the blenders?
Astronauts travel far to see banjo players.

Most caffeine addicts feel that the barnyard animals aren't fit to clean up after Sumo wrestlers.

During leap years the fast food cooks cannot understand bowlers.

Panthers faint at the sight of seismologists.

I would have voided thee but get thee gone farewell.
Why do people think that ghosts travel far to see English students? Unwed mothers disfigure the bikers. Reptiles live with fiends.

Every night, when the ghost of Elvis visits me, I learn that the copy machine repairmen sue the law students.

I mean ... seriously? What. The. Eff. It's awesome, innit? Even the insane number of carriage returns are awesome. Like some sort of pristine portrait of lunacy. "I would have voided thee but get thee gone farewell." It's just total crazy person poetry. Beautiful. Like the voice of God himself garbled through SPAM filters. I love it.

1 comment:

EmoRiot said...

I love the idea that this crazy person invested in a mail list from some spam supplier... they signed up with a internet service provider which doesn't have anti-spam rules in their contract and one that doesn't limit the numbers of mail you can send per day... they bought a program that specializes in bulk mail... and they went to town.

That level of craziness takes dedication. That's not just peeing your pants in your local Walmart, crazy.

In fact, it almost becomes evidence of sanity. Like Jeffrey Damer's insanity defense colapsing because of him using a condom to rape the dead bodies of his victims.