Monday, August 22, 2005


Roommates suck. Not significant other roommates; the other kind. I don't know what's worse: living with friends, or living with strangers. With strangers, there's an expectation that they'll be awkward weirdos. You go into that situation cautiously and then they always prove you right. With friends, you think they're normal but they end up being awkward weirdos.

I can't possibly express how happy I am to be done with that part of my life. Without naming any names, let's take a quick look at what I'm talking about by investigating my roommate history.

1. The Perv - ran up multi-hundred dollar long distance bills calling Jamaican phone sex lines.
2. The Couple - only one was actually my roommate. His girlfriend, however, was constantly there and they'd get drunk at night and then fool around in his bed - even though we shared a room. What did they think they had, a forcefield? I could always hear them.
3. The Squeaky Wheel - caused tension amongst all of the house and then moved out after only 3 months amongst a flurry of anger and lies.
4. The Neat Freak - Was frequently annoyed with the guys in the house for leaving the toilet seat lid up. Not the seat mind you. The seat was always down (we'd been yelled at for that earlier). The lid, folks. The lid.
5. The Mooch - ran up multi-hundred dollar long distance bill and then never paid for any of it. 'Cuz the bill was in my name, I had to pay it. Still owes me $400.
6. The Flake - Not the brightest bulb. Left unexpectedly after a while. We got calls from collection agencies looking for him for months.
7. The Wizard Romeo - found a To-Do list of his including "perform spell 3 more times before vacation." Used to have women over during the day while I was working, doink them loudly in the next room, and then introduce me to them afterwards. Afterwards. After they had both been yelling loudly right next to my room. "Oh! Oh Yeah! Oh baby!" Pause. "Hi, nice to meet you." One word: AWKWARD.

Yeah. Roommates suck.


rooni said...

Wow, nice. I've really only had one roommate. She was a messy mooch who would come in, turn on the radio, then leave for hours. Stranger, awkward.

How did this come up, anyway?

phobucket said...

I had a roommate who got a labrador puppy, but was *never* home to take care of it. The puppy eventually became destructive and started chewing everything in site. The day I moved out found my favorite hat, which had been missing for a few weeks, sitting mangled on the kitchen counter. I shaved my butt with his razor and didn't tell him. Even Steven if you ask me.

Bug said...

Wow ... that's a heart-warming tale.

phobucket said...

While I wouldn't choose to live with that guy, I have no hard feelings about the hat. Every time I think about it I chuckle. That may be the first time I've ever typed "chuckle".