Friday, December 15, 2006

the grass has to actually be greener somewhere, right?

I'm in a funk. Have been for days. It's why I haven't been writing here. Haven't been doing much of anything these days, to be honest. I go through this with some degree of frequency. At least once a year, it seems like I sit down, decide that I hate my career, and that there has to be something better out there somewhere.

Which is not to say that I hate working at LucasArts. It's more like I go through a period of hating being a composer. I get this frustrated knot of 50% boredom and 50% angst in the pit of my stomach and it won't go away. But it seems to stop me from doing anything. So, I sit here and I think about all of the other careers I could have had but chose game composer instead.

Sometimes I wish that I'd been an author. I love to write and would love to actually have time to finish the various things I've started to write over the years. Plus, I've thought about writing a book on game audio. But how many of those does the world actually need? Plus, what am I going to say that's new? "Chapter 9: When the going gets tough, consider a career change"

Anyway, other than that, I find that I think about ditching anything creative and intellectual and romanticize taking a job in construction. There's something very appealing about a job that doesn't require me to wrack my brains every day to create something the world has never seen. Instead, I'm pounding nails into something someone told me to pound nails into. Even thinking about a construction job is more physical exercise than I ever get as a composer.

But ... I never do anything. I'm here in my "dream job" wondering what other opportunities are out there in the world. Like I said, it's just a funk. I'll get through it like I have before. I just wish I'd get through it sooner rather than later. This one's been going on for a week now.

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