Thursday, January 12, 2006

earth science lesson for the day

Pardon me, Mr. Godwin, while I step in and tackle today's Earth Science lesson. Today, we're going to learn about The Atmosphere. The atmosphere is a big layered ball of gases that surrounds the Earth. What separates one layer from another is how they're defined in terms of their temperature, the gases present, as well as their electric properties.

Now, the layers of the Earth's atmosphere are as follow, going from closest to the Earth to furthest out into space:

- Troposphere
- Stratosphere
- Mesosphere
- PainInTheAssosphere
- Thermosphere
- Exosphere

Today, we'll be focusing on the PainInTheAssosphere. Situated between the Mesophere and the Thermosphere, the PainInTheAssosphere is the magical, mystical boundary within which cell phone calls get stuck.

See, cellphone calls - just like light - apparently also act like a wave and a particle. They're a wave because they're a wave and they're a particle because they apparently get stuck to the PainInTheAssosphere like some sort of freaky Earth Science velco.

Then end result is that, after having had your phone turned on for weeks, old Voice Mail messages that people left for you weeks ago will show up out of no where many weeks late. This happens when your cell phone Voice Mail messages get stuck to the PainInTheAssosphere. They can then only be dislodged by the act of Angels bowling, which also creates thunder and then you get your voice mail.

This is the best explanation anyone has for why the hell I'd get a three week old Voice Mail message from Amanda this morning, or why - days after I got back from visiting PA - I had a backlog of messages that pertained to my trip suddenly arrive about a week and a half too late.

And that is the wonder of the PainInTheAssosphere. You may begin polishing my Nobel Prize for Science.

Oh, and just for the hell of it, here's the website of everyone's favorite chemistry teacher: Don Sloat.

2 comments:

ceymick said...

Ah, good ol' Don Sloat! The only act of vandalism I ever did in that school (at least, I think it was the only one), was cementing the lock to his classroom so we couldn't have homeroom one morning. But they managed to get it open in time anyway, I think (though it took like five guys to do it).

Bug said...

Wow, way to go. I didn't know that. Congrats. : ) I don't think I vandalized anything. I just wrote poetry that apparently rattled the moral fiber of the PTA and almost got Thom Williams fired.

Memories ... like the corner of my mind ...