I blame the Invisible Pink Unicorn

Apparently, Utah Republicans are debating whether or not Satan himself is behind illegal immigration.

Something tells me that 100% of the delegates at that convention can trace their ancestry back to American immigration.

if you're going to graffiti ...

in cement, at least learn how to spell first.



Otherwise you just create a lasting tribute to the fact that you're an idiot.

everything sucks too much to complain about it all

Blogs are little more than a world stage for personal bitchfests. Still, there are so many things that I've been wanting to write about recently that I find I'm not motivated to sit down and write about any of them.

There was the ridiculous jump to conclusions in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings that video games were to blame for the actions of a seriously disturbed young man. Just like other people decided that it clearly had to do with foreigners, Muslims, and liberals.

There's the Alberto Gonzales testimony which I listened to last week that left the entire world (minus ... you know, one guy) convinced that Alberto should resign. Plus there's the Wolfowitz crap, the Tillman/Lynch crap, and the fact that there's nothing on CNN.com about the crap going on in Darfur but there is a "news story" about a video of a cat playing the piano on YouTube.

I'm slammed at work. I'm too busy again and now that I have a car, now I'm staying late and working too much again.

Everything's just sorta ... crappy. Everywhere. But it's all so freakin' important, and it isn't going to get any less important/less busy/less quiet the closer it gets to next year's presidential election.

I understand the fishnet bodysuit ...

But what's with all of the balloons?

I don't know who this woman is, but she plays a helluva mean keytar.

God damn, this video made my day ...

in your face, random snotty pundit!

Manda and I were watching TV last night and the show we were watching said "now on in 120 countries." This prompted a discussion between us about something Amanda had heard from some TV talking head somewhere saying "Most Americans would be hard pressed to name 120 countries."

First of all, I think most people in the world would be hard pressed to name 120 countries, regardless of their nationality. There are apparently only 202 countries. Regardless of that, we took it as a challenge. So, being the wild and crazy couple that we are, we spent a healthy chunk of our night doing our best to name 120 different countries. In the end, the final total of actual countries that we named:

122

I'll tell you, though, it was hard. The biggest problem is that we can name a ton of countries from stable regions in the world, but there are a lot of countries that spring up, change names, divide, etc. in more chaotic regions of the world and it's hard to know what they are right now.

For instance, we were both surprised to discover that both Zaire and Yugoslavia are no longer countries. While we were familiar with their replacement countries (Democratic Republic of the Congo and Serbia), we didn't know their old namesakes no longer exist. We both also found ourselves desperately wanting to name certain cities as countries, even when we knew it was wrong. My brain was insisting (despite repeated attempts to get it to shut up) that Heidelberg was a country. We both also kept wanting to say that Nairobi was a country, even though we both knew all along that it's just a Kenyan city.

What annoyed me most were the moments when my brain latched onto names that weren't even places, but simply decided they sounded like countries. Mallomar, Cacao, and Lusitania are each a cookie, a tree, and a sunken ship, respectively.

Still, we got there in the end and I'm proud of us. Interestingly, most of the countries we hear about in the news weren't the ones first on our list. Iraq and Afganistan didn't come to us until No. 58 and 60 which means that Cameroon and Lietchtenstein were both further at the forefront of our mental country inventory. Albania beat out North Korea and Papua New Guinea came to us before Sudan, Rwanda, Isreal, or Palestine.

holy hell, I'm in love

With "Dohar: Lord of Beasts."

There better be more of this. Good god, I love it.

is this just me being an a-hole?

David Collins and I went to Panda Express tonight for a little overtime chinese food. While standing there in line, I noticed a sign they have advertising their catering services.



Please ... tell me it's just me and that I have an evil mind that will make me go to hell, but ...

Is it just me, or does that sign read like someone with a stereotypical Asian accent saying the phrase "We'll rock your party"? Someone at Panda Express must have noticed that, right?

This wasn't intentional, right?

good-bye, public transportation

Hello, new car. Yep. This weekend I managed to drag my sick ass out of the house long enough to go buy a new 2007 Honda Civic LX. I'm thrilled.

And let me tell you, if you ever want to go buy a car, ask Amanda to go with you. She is a master negotiator. She plays hardball, she finagles like a pro, she generally all-around rocks the house when it comes to negotiations. If you were to check Edmonds.com, you'd see that - in the Bay Area - new Civic's are going for about $18,200. Amanda was able to talk the dealership into letting us have it for $16,500 + a 7 year/120,000 mile extended warranty.

I'm telling you, ask for her help. She's incredible. If it had been just me on my own, I'd probably have walked out of there with a used car that I spent $19k on. Don't ask me to go be your negotiatory wingman. You won't like the results.

I pick the car up this evening when I get home from work. I'm totally excited. Now I just have to figure out how I can get rid of the rotting husk of my Camero that is still in the driveway. Turns out the title for it is missing after having moved 5 times in 7 years. Go figure. So, now I have to wait for the DMV to issue me a new title before I can donate it to an animal rescue charity. Nothing moves slower than the speed of bureaucracy.

totally stir crazy

This is my sixth six day home out of the last two weeks and I'm going nuts. I've resorted to taking stupid quizzes on the internet to keep my brain from completely turning into Jello. So far I've discovered which of the X-men I am (I'm apparently Professor X), I've learned that George McFly is an asshole, and I've discovered that I know my Nintendo trivia much more than I know my Atari trivia.





I can't wait to go back to work on Monday.

diagnosis: awesome

As I was walking down into the BART Embarcadarro station tonight, I passed a woman soliciting for spare change. Here was her pitch:

"Spare some change so that my daughter can get a diameter?"

Today was a good day for train crazies. There was also the 20-something woman this morning who told me she'd been "on the street since the '30s" and wondered if I could tell her how much a soda cost. I told her I didn't know. I wasn't sure which decade's price she was looking for.

Then there was the 50-something stoner duo who sat on opposite sides of the train and talked VERY loudly about how 1.) they both had to pee, and 2.) how easy it would for an evil chemist to let some kind of super-virus loose on a train without anyone ever finding out until it was too late.

Mostly, though, they just reminisced about peeing into Ziplock bags on long Greyhound bus rides.

back from the beyond ... sorta

I'm back at work today for the first time since getting knocked on my ass by a bad cold. I'm not 100% yet, but at least I'm not as incapacitated as last week. Although, riding on BART with a lingering NyQuil head-fog was a bit tough.

So, let's see ... I still owe Ry a description of Ben's wedding. Maybe I'll write that tomorrow. We have two new people starting in our department today, which rocks. We've been so short-staffed for so long ... treading water until we could get some more bodies into the empty offices here. Thankfully, the days of treading water look like they're coming to an end.

Muh. This is a boring post. Oh, while I was sick, Manda and I watched the movie "Stranger Than Fiction." Good movie. Really good. I liked it a lot.

Crap. Guess that's all I've got for you today.

like looking in a mirror

I'm so glad that this thing is finally on YouTube. Game Design has become a hot little topic when it comes to collegiate level trade schools. All kinds of schools at all levels of the academic strata from small AA programs to BAs at universities like USC are now starting to offer programs where they teach people how to make, program, and design games. As such, many of them are now starting to advertise during daytime TV just like the old "Earn your diploma from home" commercials did in the '90s.

Anyway, this has got to be, hands down, the absolute worst commercial that's ever been made for a Game Design program. Yes, there's the one for Westwood College where the two guys are chastised by their boss and look like idiots. But I think this one from Collins College is even worse.

Absolutely nothing of what they're saying makes any sense. I especially destest that part where they say "Let's make sure the sound we used in the last level fits here, too." Sitting between them on a little end table is a 16 channel mixing board. Doofus A then reaches over and touches his finger to one of the EQ knobs and a terrible "space laser" effect plays out of the TV. I don't know what they think they're selling, but it sure as hell isn't game design.

it's 4 am

This is the third night in a row that my cold has kept me up through the night. Tonight is the worst yet. I can't sleep because I keep coughing and I keep coughing because I can't seem to get back to sleep.

That and there's a persistent phlem wad in my throat that keeps tickling my tonsils and making me feel just wonderful.

I'm so exhausted. This bites.

jiggity jig

I'm back in Philly for the weekend. Everyone's favorite Ben Rose is getting married this weekend and, while he asked both Ry and I to be his best men, apparently I'm the only one not "cavorting" around "South Asia" "filming a documentary."

That's right. I'm casting the Shadow of Doubt. : P I think Ry is really off overseeing the first initial industrial throws of his very own sweatshop. Either that or trying to win himself an award so that he fits in.

Anyway, I miss Manda. I'm off to go get fitted for my suit for the wedding.

Didn't I just do this? I'm having flashbacks. Oh, and a small part of me thinks that I have a brain tumor. I have a headache in the back base of my skull that won't go away.

Christ, I'm such a hypocondriac.

reaching millions with my useless opinions

I was on the radio today, specifically NPR. The show Forum was asking people to call in and give their recommendations for good books that they'd read recently. Most of the suggestions were non-fiction and had something to do with either 1.) war, 2.) the ecosystem, or 3.) conspiracy theories. I was getting a little bugged that I wasn't hearing anyone call up and suggest any fiction.

So, I called. I called and suggested a book that I read while we were in Canada. It's called World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie Wars. Ry would hate it. Seth might like it. Everyone else ... ?? Who knows. Anyway, you can check it out here on Amazon. It's good. Despite being, ultimately, about zombies, it's a great look at just how any kind of global pandemic might impact nations, populations, and humanities general outlook on matters ranging from consumption to capitalism to the dissemination of information. Cool book. Not to oversell it, but I kept getting a 1984 vibe from it.

Again, Ry would hate it.

Anyway, check it out if you're so inclined.

sweep the leg

Everyone's favorite front man from The Nodd turned me on to what has since become one of my absolute favorite music videos ever.

If you haven't seen this masterpiece from No More Kings, check it out here.

So good.

at the risk of ripping off overheardeverywhere.com

There was a huge mass of high school students waiting on the train platform this morning. I guess the entire 11th of San Mateo High was heading off to a field trip in the city or something. Anyway, it was rather annoying. First off, how any guy in high school ever manages to get a girlfriend when they're all greasy, oily, and pimply is beyond me. I'm thrilled to be long past that part of my life.

Anyway, when they all piled onto the train, most of the students were complaining about how there weren't enough seats for them all to sit down/sit together/sit far away from someone/etc. However, while most of them were looking for seats, there was one particular genius who truly had his finger on the pulse of the situation.

11th Grade Brainiac: Dude ... everyone on this train is wearing shoes.

Brilliant. I don't know if a field trip is going to do that kid any good.

stories from the train: the longest elevator ride

You know that moment in life when you step into an elevator with someone who you only kind of know as a passing acquaintance? Maybe they're someone who works on the same floor as you. Maybe they're someone who lives in the apartment three doors down from you. Anyway, you get what I mean. It's that person that you get into the elevator with and then have no idea what to say to them, yet feel compelled to have some kind of conversation. The usual bullshit topics like weather, nearby holidays, or whatever you might be carrying come up.

Them: Oh, just getting back from the grocery store?
You: Uh, yeah. You know ... finished off my cereal this morning.

Or whatever. They're painful conversations, all of them. Luckily they only last a few floors at most.

That is, unless you manage to find yourself in one of those conversations on the train. The two poor schmucks in front of me today on BART were both taking the train up to some sort of corporate event in the city. Unfortunately for them both, they managed to get into the same train car together and sit in adjacent seats.

Thus began the 40 minute version of that painful elevator conversation. I really felt bad for these two people. They clearly didn't know each other and had no business talking together for 40 minutes. And yet, they must have passed each other in the halls at work or been CC'ed on the same emails enough to feel obligated to talk to each other.

There was a lot of:

Guy: So ... (awkward pause) do you know who's going?
Lady: No. Not really. (awkward pause) Do you know if Shirley is going?
Guy: Oh .. jeez. No, I don't know.
Lady: Hm. (pause) I don't know Shirley, but I thought she might be there.

Christ, it was painful to listen to. There were a lot of tight-lipped smiles, a lot of fake laughs, and a few gems like this:

Guy: (after about 5 minutes of awkward silence) Heh. I meant to bring a paperback book to read on the train, but I forgot.
Lady: Oh, that's a shame. (5 more minutes of awkward silence)

They talked about the weather. They talked about their kids. They talked about what they're kids are doing now that there's nicer weather. It was agonizing to listen to. They were just trying so hard.

I honestly don't know if I would have done anything differently if I had been in the same situation. It certainly isn't socially acceptable to say "Hey, look. We don't know each other and it's clear we have no idea what to say to each other. Would you mind if I just sat here and played a cellphone game instead of pretending that I'm enjoying this uncomfortable moment we're having?"

Of course, it sure would make life easier if you could say that.

one of those days

I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed this morning. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have no energy, no drive, and no desire to do anything but sleep. It's not like I've been staying up really late. I go to bed around 11 each night and sleep for about 8 hours. But, I just couldn't get up today and I'm tired all of the time at work. If I could build a little nap shelter under my desk like George Costanza, I would.

stories from the train: your tax dollars at work

Last night, I was riding home on BART like I always do and, as always happens, there were conversations taking place that I can't help but eavesdrop on. Last night it seems that I ended up sitting behind two guys who had never met before. The first was a civil engineer from China who has been working here in the States for years. The other guy was just some curious old man, as far as I could first tell.

You see, when I first got there he was asking Mr. China all kinds of questions about waste treatment and filtration. They talked about sewers. They talked about processing solids (ew). They talked about disposal of toxic chemicals and how long it takes for things like that to break down if they end up in the San Francisco Bay.

Mr. China was very well-versed in all of it and Mr. Old-Guy honestly struck me as somewhat senile. China would say something and then old guy would completely not understand it and respond with some statement of complete ignorance contrary to whatever it was China just said.

China: And that's why the water in San Jose is not only double processed, but they have a tertiary processing system to ensure that it's all very, very clean.
Old-Guy: Oooh! I understand now. So, you can dump anything you want into the drain and San Jose will clean it up?
China: (appalled) No! No, no, no. No it's not good to do that at all.

Etc. Over and over again. Eventually, Old-Guy said something like "See, they don't give us any guidelines like that at the school." And then I realized ... holy shit, this guy's a teacher/substitute teacher. He started to talk about how they pour acids down the drain in the chemistry lab classes. China was very bothered to hear this. He told Old-Guy that he had to properly dispose of stuff and that things should be stored safely and in separate containers.

Old-Guy: Oh! I understand now! So, we need to have two separate cabinets: one for acids and one for everything else.
China: (pause) No, no that's not what I'm saying. Why would you want to do that?
Old-Guy: Well, what if you were to put a bottle of acid next to a bottle of ... like ... cyanide?
China: (appalled again) What kind of school has bottles of cyanide?
Old-Guy: Oh, well, it was just the first thing I thought of.

Anyway, this ridiculous conversation went on for a while and eventually I found out that I was wrong. Old-Guy wasn't a teacher.

Old-Guy worked for the county as the person who specs out safety requirements for schools and government buildings. He went on to tell story after story about how the agency that he works for (which he never named) is tasked with making sure that everything is up to code throughout the county. However, while they're required to do it, they aren't funded enough to actually follow through with it.

Old-Guy: We're supposed to certify all boilers every year and make sure that they're working properly, not putting out carbon monoxide, etc. But, we just don't have the manpower to actually do that. Elevators, too. You know all of those elevator certificates? That's us. But we don't have the time to check things. We only take a look at it once someone calls us to let us know that there's an emergency with them.

Needless to say, I'm not exactly feeling so safe this morning. That was not the kind of peek behind the governmental curtain that I really needed.